My spiritual adventure consciously began after a life changing event in 2008. I wanted to learn from this experience. I went to therapy, read books (lots of them), watched documentaries and traveled - a lot!
I re-discovered Yoga, which opened the door to the spiritual world. I loved it so much that I got my Yoga Teacher Certification to share the gift and beauty of Yoga with others.
I found myself on a path of transformation and honestly it was a bit scary (ok, a lot scary) but so wonderful at the same time, it just felt right. I experienced so many things like Fire Walking, Sweat Lodge ceremonies, swimming with sharks, hypnotherapy etc, all of which helped me realized that I was already on a spiritual path, since childhood.
The concepts and philosophies I “discovered” or re-discovered were only truths I had forgotten growing up and behaving as I was expected to. In trying to meet people and society’s expectations of me, I had forgotten who I am and what I want, I, in fact, silenced them, or tried to anyway. I conformed. This reality always felt like a prison, I felt so limited, so small, I knew in my gut that there was something more, something better, but I couldn't remember. Even when I did remember, I didn’t know how to get to that change, that transformation I desperately needed.
I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t feeling happier, after all, I did everything “right”, I went to school, I got a few good jobs each helping me climb the corporate ladder, I had a condo, a nice car, nice cloths etc. So isn’t all this the sum of success and therefore happiness? So why in the name of all that is holy was I not happy, or happier yet, why did I always feel that something was missing? The answer lies inside of us, not outside of us.
I remember as a child and teenager, when I tried to be who I am, I was often met with resistance and judgement, which didn’t feel good at all. “You never do things like everyone else, why is that” is a sentence I heard all the time growing up. It felt like I was being bad. I quickly learned back then that to be a full-fledged productive member of society to be valued, gain approval and positive feedback, I had to let go of who I truly am, please society and do as I was told, I hated that feeling.
In retrospect, I actually never let go of what I truly wanted, these wants, hopes and dreams, just became blurrier as time went by, but not the nagging feeling of their very own existence, they wanted to be heard, they were now screaming louder than ever which created an internal discord, a discomfort we often call unhappiness.
What I eventually realized is that I cannot create the life I want and bring these wants, desires and dreams to life unless I am who I am, Unless I learn to speak my truth and be true to who I am, true to my soul. This realization also meant, facing my fears, and letting go of people, a few friends and boyfriends and many material things, which I spent a lifetime accumulating. They were the trophies of my “success” but felt like a ball and chain. It was the best thing I ever did.
This Ah-Ah moment changed my life and allowed me to gain clarity and finally figure out the life I truly wanted to have for myself, and of course that life went against the grain for the most part, but it felt good, it felt right!
After a few years of soul searching, learning (or remembering) traveling the world, living the Buddhist concepts and philosophies, two transatlantic moves, a couple more corporate jobs, two trips to the himalayas that changed my life forever, I was ready to embrace who I am and fully pursue my dreams and passions.